Kana
by Haruka-Chan 212
Summary: After more then 20 years, she's free...and he returns to take over...Please read and review. Rated for murder, language, and psychological drama. Chapter 14 up!
1. Chapter 1

**_I decided to come back to writing. As it says on my profile I AM currently attempting to write an original to put into print. That's slowly coming along. As of right now that book is in chapter 2. I'll keep you guys updated as to how it's going. Please...I do oh so hope you enjoy.

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Kana

Chapter 1

"You always were perfect Miyoko!" A small blonde haired child shouted at her older sister.

"Maybe because I'm not crazy!" The thirteen year old responded.

_"She's begging for it. Do it Haruka."_

"Haruka?" The brunette looked at the younger girl with confusion when she didn't respond.

_"Go get daddy's gun. You know where it is."_

Haruka let out an ear piercing scream in an attempt to drown out the voices. Her hands cupped over her ears in the process. "Leave me alone." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Miyoko took a step back, her body was shaking. "Haruka, you're scaring me." She whimpered when her back hit the doorframe.

"You're scared?" The girl's eyes shot open as she stared blankly at the little boy standing beside her sister. "Miyoko move!" She lunged at the teen, pushing her away from the boy. "Kana leave her alone. Please Kana."

Miyoko gasped as she landed on her arm on the kitchen floor. "Haruka, there's nobody there!"

_"She's lying to you. I'm right here Haruka."_ He turned to look at the teen laying on the floor, he only grinned.

"Leave her alone." Tears began rolling down Haruka's cheeks. Her eyes watched the boy begin walking toward Miyoko. "Kana stop it!" She ran toward him. In her eyes she saw him on top of her sister, beating her.

Miyoko laid motionless, her body rigid with fear as Haruka ran out of the room and toward the steps. She was unsure of what had just happened. The teen always knew her sister was a little strange. Maybe her mother would finally believe her that Haruka had lost her mind. Her brown hair fell over her eyes as she forced herself to her feet.

"Kana!" Haruka yelled as she pushed the magazine into their father's gun. He had taught both of the girls how to use it in case of emergencies. She lifted the weapon to eye level and aimed it right at Kana, who was standing in front of Miyoko. "Leave us alone!"

"Haruka what are you doing? Put down the gun." The brunette tried backing away, her eyes locked on a younger teal pair.

_"Shoot me Haruka. You don't have the guts. Just like your father always told you, you're a coward!"_ He stayed in front of Miyoko, a smug grin on his face.

The blonde shut her eyes before pulling the trigger, twice.

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"You can't possibly consider charging her as an adult! She's seven years old for Christ's sake." Akemi shouted at the detective in Haruka's hospital room.

"Why would she have shot her sister?" He looked at the child who clung tightly to a ragged teddy bear as she rocked on the bed. Her eyes were locked on an empty chair near the window.

_"I know it felt so invigorating to pull that trigger."_ She sniffled, only staring at him. _"Not going to talk to me now Haruka?"_

"Leave me alone Kana!" She picked up the pillow from her bed and threw it at the empty chair.

"Haruka, honey, there's nobody there." Akemi felt tears in her eyes as she sat beside her daughter. "I should have listened to Miyoko." Haruka showed no emotion as Akemi hugged her tightly. "Who do you see?"

"Kana! He's right there! Why is everybody calling me a liar?"

"He's just your imaginary friend Haruka. I thought he was gone years ago." Akemi spoke softly as she ran her fingers through Haruka's long blonde hair.

She pulled away from her mother and turned to look at the boy that was now sitting on the pillow on the chair. "Tell them you're there Kana."

The older woman sighed as she stood up. "Did Kana make you shoot Miyoko?"

"He was hurting her. I was trying to protect her. He ran away when I shot the gun at him." Her eyes never broke contact with his. "He wouldn't leave her alone." Her voice was soft, lacking any emotion.

_"They're going to call you crazy Haruka."_ He laughed at her. _"You are crazy. You shot your only sister and you enjoyed it."_

"You made me shoot her!" She yelled.

"Mrs. Tenou, I need to speak with you in the hallway. The doctors will be coming in to examine her shortly." The detective led the older woman into the hallway. "Based on the preliminary examination when she arrived, all signs point to schizophrenia. Her delusions, her lack of emotion." He sighed.

"What's going to happen to my daughter?" Akemi folded her arms over her chest. "Her father has already disowned her. The minute he got the phone call he wanted to cut any connection to Haruka."

"She'll go through a psychiatric evaluation. That will be done before her trial date in juvenile court. Most likely she'll end up in a psychiatric hospital for her sentence. There's no way of knowing how long that will be. I truly am sorry for your loss Mrs. Tenou."

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**_Don't forget to review. :)_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Time for chapter two of this twisted story. I've got no way of telling you for sure how long this will be. For once in a LONG time I'm just going with the flow on a story. I fear that may have been my problem with the other stories, I had them all outlined out and I knew exactly how long they were going to be. It was probably TOO much planning on my part. Anyway, please enjoy. There will be another set of characters thrown into this. My other favorite pair, you'll find out later on._**

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Kana

Chapter 2

"Haruka, lights out! Last warning."

I glared at the nurse through the Plexiglas window of my door. Nothing better than being held in this five by ten room like a caged animal. "Go fuck yourself."

"What was that?"

I snarled at her through the window. "Go...FUCK...Your....self!" I tilted my head, a smile came to my lips as anger showed on her face. I flipped her off before hitting the light switch that was embedded in my wall. "Stupid bitch." I walked over to my window and looked through the bars.

It's been fifteen years. Mom still came to see me once a week. I don't understand why though. It's my fault Miyoko's dead.

_"Yes it is your fault."_

"No...No! You get the fuck away from me!" His shadow was right there. He had grown with me. His hair was the same color as Miyoko's, it was pulled back into a loose ponytail. Kana easily stood over six foot tall, though not much taller than me. "Get away from me Kana! How the fuck did you get in here?"

_"They let me in to see you. Did you miss me?"_

"No, I didn't miss you Kana. You made me shoot her." I started backing away from him. "Help me!" I pounded on the door before looking back at him. He was walking toward me, one of his hands was behind his back.

_"Why are you calling them Haruka? Don't you want to play a game with me?"_

My eyes grew wide as he pulled his arm into my sight, in his hand was switchblade. "I don't want to play a game with you Kana." I continued pounding on the door.

_"I want to play doctor. And doctors perform operations."_

"What in the hell is your problem Haruka?"

I turned to look at one of the orderlies through the door. "He's in here. He wants to kill me. Help me!" I turned around just as he lunged for me. I felt my adrenaline begin pumping, out of instinct I ducked under his lunge. "Kana stop it!"

"Was she given her medicine today?!" I ran for the door the minute I saw it open. I didn't care what was going to happen to me. I pushed the door into the man, knocking him to the floor as I ran down the hallway and around the corner into the activities room. "Where the hell do you think you're going Haruka. You know you can't get out." I turned to look at the orderly. Off behind him was Kana, the knife was raised, he was ready to strike the man.

"Get down!" I jumped on him, knocking him to the floor. "He was about to stab you!" I felt a pinch in my thigh before everything went black.

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"Get up Haruka, it's time for breakfast."

"I'm not hungry." I pulled my blanket over my head and rolled away from the nurse. At least they were nice enough to put a blanket over me this time.

"Do you want to go back on dietary watch?"

I sighed. That's one thing I didn't want. Last time it happened salads were taken from me and replaced with high calorie, high protein concoctions that tasted like horse dung. The only reason I knew that, when I was five I fell off of a horse, into a pile of it. "I'm coming." I ran my fingers through my hair, ruffling it to get it to fall back into place.

_"Don't you ignore me."_

My body froze when I heard his voice. I didn't acknowledge him though as I followed the nurse from my room to the cafeteria for breakfast. It was the usual. Powdered eggs and freeze dried sausage. Delicious. "Good morning Ami." I smiled at the younger woman who sat at her usual table scribbling things into a notebook. I picked up my tray and joined her at the table.

"Shh." She silenced me as she continued writing. "Have to finish this." I smiled at her as I watched her. It was some sort of math problem, the numbers covered the pages of her book.

"What are you working on?" I leaned closer to her to look.

"I've almost cracked the Riemann Hypothesis." Her writing became more smeared as she quickly turned the page to finish. "I'm almost done."

"What exactly is the raymon hypothesis?" I laughed as she held up her hand to silence me again. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry." I picked up my spoon to take a bite of my eggs.

"It's Riemann, and it's a 150 year old Hypothesis that nobody's ever been able to prove or disprove." She held up her notebook in triumph. "And I just proved it. It is true." She suddenly sighed. "Not like anybody would believe me anyway. Not being trapped in here."

I rested my hand on hers and smiled. "I believe you. And I'm sure that pretty life wife of yours believes you too."

"She's not my wife Haruka." She picked up her orange juice to take a sip.

"Not yet, but I heard from a little birdie she's going to ask you soon." I winked. "And you're stupid if you don't say yes." I grit my teeth when I saw Kana, again. He was standing just behind Ami. He was examining the words she had written on the paper.

_"She's wrong. She's not the genius everybody makes her out to be."_

"Yes she is." I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"You see him again don't you?" She leaned closer to me to whisper. I only nodded. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"Last night when he tried to kill me." I closed my hands into a fist and clenched my eyes shut. "Before that was 3 years ago."

"That's because you never took your medicine yesterday. The nurse on duty never made her rounds last night."

I looked up as an older woman placed a small paper cup in front of me with two pills in it. Two pills I was very reluctant to take at first. Yet it was the only thing to make Kana disappear. "Thank you." I dumped the pills into my mouth then took a drink of apple juice. I then opened my mouth to show the satisfied nurse I had swallowed them both. I finished the last of my juice and food before standing up and going back to my room. "Can I have a pen to write in my journal?" I looked at the nurse at the desk.

"After that stunt you pulled last night, no. You're not allowed to have it in there alone with you. You can however, bring your journal out here where we can watch you."

I glared at her before walking into my room and pushing my door shut, I pulled my notebook out from under my pillow and began thumbing through the pages. I stopped on occasion to read an entry. I started writing in a notebook when I was 13. My first few entries were about the crush I had developed on one of the nurses. Oh how she was cute. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered her face, the way she smiled at me. It was a shame she didn't work in this wing anymore.

I covered my mouth to yawn before sliding my notebook back under my pillow. There was more than enough time to take a nap before they'd come and retrieve me for my therapy session.

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**_Well there ya go :) Don't forget to review. I hope you like it so far. And the Riemann Hypothesis is real and what was said about it is true. I spent about a half hour looking it up. Had to make Ami some kind of super genius of course._**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Forgot to put this in the last chapter, though I'm sure you all figured it out. From chapter 2 on will be in first person, from Haruka's POV. Sorry for the delay in getting this up. Been working a lot lately. Watching Girl, Interrupted helped me to do this chapter...thanks Heather ;)_**

**_So yea...mom tells me she wants to pay for me to go to school. So I've been looking, and I've decided on taking classes in Creative Writing. Since I like to write so much. The classes will only make the writing better. Hopefully it'll go well.

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Kana

Chapter 3

Seven more years. I was down to the last months of my sentence. I was anxious, yet nervous about returning to the real world. I have no idea what I'm going to do for a job or anything once I'm out.

_"Mommy's coming today isn't she?"_

I turned to look at him. Kana had returned about two weeks ago, but I haven't told anybody because he hasn't tried to hurt me. I don't want him to go away, I like the companionship. "You know I can't talk to you when I'm out there." I turned my back to him as I looked through the door.

_"I know. Have you been taking your medicine?"_

"What's it matter to you?" I frowned as I watched Ami be escorted down the hallway. "She's back, again..." My heart sank when I saw the look on her face. She's been through so much. The look in her eyes, she was empty. There was a dark purple bruise around her neck as well as down her arms. Something bad happened to her. "Fuck!" I slammed my hand against the door that refused to open when I turned the handle. Of course it's locked. It's always locked.

"What do you want Haruka?" A nurse appeared at the window.

"Why's she back here?!" My eyes never left the small mound of blue hair that sulked down the hallway. "She doesn't deserve to be here!" The woman shook her head and turned to walk away. I slammed my palm against the door once more, harder this time. "Answer me!"

"You'll have to ask her yourself, when she's out of solitary."

Solitary. All emotion fell from my face. I took a step away from the door to let her words register. Ami was to be locked in a room, all alone, strapped to a bed. Given the bruises on her arms and neck, strapping her down would be the worst thing to do to that poor girl.

_"She is crazy, remember? Why else would she be here if she wasn't crazy?"_

"Shut up Kana!" I yelled without thinking. Fuck it. I didn't care if they heard me.

_"She's just as psycho as you are. Do you really want me to go away Haruka?"_

I lunged at him, he moved and my shoulder slammed into the wall. "You bastard. Why won't you ever leave me alone?"

_"Because you don't want me to leave you alone Haruka. You want my company. Because deep down inside you're lonely. You've never felt more alone then you have been while you've been here. Think about it. You're pathetic. You're a coward."_

You're a coward. Those same words he spoke to me twenty-two years ago. The same day I shot my sister. "Fuck you Kana. You call me a murderer, but you're the one who enticed me to shoot Miyoko. You're the reason I'm here."

_"Keep telling yourself that. I know you. You want to die. You want to torture yourself just like that poor girl does. Because it's the only way you'll ever get away from me. It's the only way you'll ever get out of here."_

He laughed at me. It was almost like a cackle. He knew it was his fault. I pulled myself into a sitting position on the floor. Over Kana's shoulder I saw the door of my room open. Kana came after me, out of instinct I swung my fist at him. "Stop it! Get off of me!" I screamed when I felt a set of hands grab my arms. He was restraining me. "Let me go!" My legs kicked out. I felt it hit something. "No, no, no!" I saw the needle. It was full of a sedative. I've seen that needle at least fifty times in the last twenty-two years. Kana brings it on. "Not the needle." I stared at the nurse as she uncapped it. I had to get away, the orderlies were too strong. One held my arms down, the other was sitting on my legs. Kana had since vanished. The chicken shit. "Fuck you."

"Cursing never gets you anything Haruka, you should know that by now. You know where you're going." She pushed the needle into the bend of my arm then checked her watch. "Anything else you want to say?"

"You're a bitch. You get your kicks out of making us who already suffer, suffer more. I hope you're happy with yourself. How can you go to sleep at night? Don't you..." I shook my head off to fight the sleep that was already starting to overcome me. "Don't you hear our screams in your head?"

She swallowed as she took a step back, her eyes never broke mine. "Good night Haruka."

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"Just think Haruka, you only had three months left until your scheduled release. You were doing well for so long. What happened?"

"He attacked me, that's what happened you dick." I grit my teeth, never looking up at him. My wrists were still stiff from being shackled to the bed. My ankles, sore and bruised from another set of the same type of shackles.

"How many times have we gone over this Haruka? My name's-"

"Shiro. I've been talking to you for the last ten years." I looked up and met his eyes. "How long?"

"How long what?" He looked down at his legal pad to write.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about Shiro. How much longer am I going to be in here?"

"Well, you won't be out in three more months, that's for sure. I'm changing your medicine, and we'll go from there as to how you respond to it. How long have you been seeing him?"

"Why do you care? You're never going to release me anyway. That's why Ami's continued to come back over the last eight years. You know she's going to fail outside of these walls. You want her to fail outside of here. She's a genius, she should be teaching at Oxford, or some neurosurgeon in a medical center. She doesn't deserve to be strapped down to a bed with her wife visiting her once a week." I bit my lip. Ami was my one and only friend. A woman I found that I loved like a sister. She reminded me much of Miyoko.

"Ami returns because she doesn't know how to help herself." He shook his head. "We're not talking about Ami here, we're talking about you." I snatched the pen from his hand before he could start writing again.

"What are you writing about me there doc?" I idly clicked the pen as I looked at him. "Writing about how my antisocial tendencies are returning? Or about my up and down mood changes? Or that I'm just your regular old schizophrenic psycho? What are you writing about doc?"

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "You're regressing Haruka. You're starting to remind me of the nineteen year old I first met ten years ago. You're not ready for the outside world. You're not ready to see what's changed. You're not ready for how society will treat you."

"I know what I am and am not ready for. I'm a lot smarter then you all seem to think I am. I may have never finished school, but that doesn't mean I'm an idiot. I blame this place for me never graduating. It's not my fault. It's this hospital's fault." I stopped clicking the pen and leaned closer to him. "Is there a difference between you and I doc?" I looked deep into his eyes, he never swayed from his stern face.

"You want my honest answer?"

I smirked and nodded. "I always love hearing your opinion on me. I love hearing the bullshit that comes out of your mouth on a weekly basis. Please...enlighten me."

"The difference between you and I is, I get to go home to my family each night. While you're stuck here until a person like me says it's okay for you to go home to your family." He pulled the pen out of my hand.

"Good answer doc." I smiled at him, though it was a cold, lifeless smile. I still smiled.

"Shiro, we need your assistance in the north wing immediately." The staticy voice came through his intercom.

"Oh darn, I guess our session's over then." I stood up and made my way to the door. "Take me back to my room officer." I offered the orderly my arm. I was quite used to this. Nothing better than being in a rut. Same thing day in, day out. He gently took my arm and led me down the hallway toward the north wing. Part of me wondered why doc almighty was pulled away from our session.

"Get off of me!"

It soon became evident what he was called for. Since he was the only doctor on duty today, he was the only one to give the okay to give the new woman a sedative. I stopped when my escort did. My head tilted to the side to look at the woman who screamed and fought each person that attempted to grab her. "Another feisty one." I grinned. "Are you sure you can handle another me?"

"Get in your room Haruka." He pushed me, it wasn't hard, but enough to get me through the doorway of the room.

I became glued to the Plexiglas window to watch the woman bite Shiro's arm as he attempted to sedate her. "Ouch." I laughed aloud at the sight. It really was quite amusing. I knew deep down inside I'd have to get to know that woman. It appeared as though we'd have a lot in common. I continued to watch the scene in the hallway, my eyes fixated on the aqua haired woman. She appeared to be about five to ten years older than me. There was gray hair mixed evenly through her aqua locks. She was quite beautiful.

"Let me go you pig!" She screamed one last time before Shiro stuck the needle into the bend of her arm. She'd end up in solitary now, for biting him. She'd be there at least a week. The poor woman. What a welcome to this god forsaken place.

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**_Don't forget to review of course. I love reading people's opinion's on my stories. Sometimes I feel as though I love the opinions more then writing itself._**


	4. Chapter 4

**_First update of the new year. At least for EST. I tried to finish it as the last update from me for 2009, but it didn't work out in the end, I couldn't finish it fast enough. I know this will show up as updated 12-31-09, but in all actuality, it's 2010 for me. Happy New Year everybody. Hope everybody's safe and enjoying whatever it is they're doing._**

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Kana

Chapter 4

I continued to watch him as he observed me. What could he possibly diagnose about me just from looking at me? I'm not physically ill. But according to these people I'm still mentally ill. I'm still a danger to society and myself. I think if they thought I was just a danger to myself they'd release me. Like they continue to do to Ami. It still turns my stomach knowing that such a beautifully smart woman is wasting away in here. Alongside me.

"Going to talk to me today?"

"How's the bite?" I finally grinned. It amused me what she did to him. I had still yet to meet her. She has not been released from solitary yet. She's been in there a week.

"That's none of your concern."

"Did you get your rabies shot?" The grin quickly vanished. "It was amusing to watch her bite you."

"Because of that she'll be locked up for another week yet. Don't think you'll get to meet her anytime soon." He pulled his sport coat sleeve down further to make sure the bandages remained covered.

"I bet your blood tasted good on her lips." I licked my own lips, somewhat wishing the blood was on my lips. "What are you writing about me today doc?"

"You're starting to exhibit sociopathic tendencies Haruka. No empathy, you feel nothing for the pain of others. There's this superficial charm about you too. You only show it when you want to." I frowned as he continued to speak. "You're also very deceitful and manipulative. Though I think you already know that one. You use your charm to manipulate the nurses."

I couldn't help but to laugh. "That I will admit to. And how do you know I feel nothing for the pain of others? I found humor toward your pain." I leaned back on the overstuffed chair and looked up at the ceiling. "The nurses are eating out of the palm of my hand. I could get anything I wanted from them."

"That's not always a good trait to possess." He turned to look at the clock then sighed. "Time's up for today."

"Of course it is." I smirked and stood up. "It's lunch time anyway, and since I saw Ami was released from solitary this morning, I get to find out what happened to her."

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I fixed my shirt as I walked away from the orderly to get my tray of food. Even after twenty-two years I've yet to figure out exactly what is in this oddly colored mixture they serve once a week for lunch. It didn't matter, it was rather tasty.

"Haruka!"

My heart leapt when I turned around to see Ami stand up and practically run toward me. I clutched my tray tightly in one hand and returned the hug that was given to me. It was nice to see her again, but not under these circumstances. "Why are you back here?" I walked with her back to the table she was sitting at.

Her lower lip began trembling. "Mari..." She slammed her eyes shut. Mari was the woman that tormented her, much like Kana was my tormenter. The pain in her face was evident as she relived the experience. "No matter how much I begged her to stop. She wrapped the rope around my neck that bound me to the wall, and tied both of my hands so tightly it cut off the circulation." I reached out to wipe a tear that fell from her eye. "They said I did it to myself. I didn't do this. I didn't try to hang myself like they said. Mari disappeared when Makoto came into the room when I screamed for her."

"Mari made you do it, just like Kana made me shoot Miyoko." I rubbed her back and sighed. My eyes traveled down to her left hand and frowned when I saw her playing with an empty spot on her ring finger. "Where's your wedding band?"

"They took it from me. They muttered something about hurting myself with the diamond in the ring. That set is gorgeous and I don't even know where it is." She rested her head against the table and sobbed more.

"I'm sure Makoto has it." I rested my hand on the middle of her back, trying to comfort her as best as I could. My attention turned as the aqua haired woman walked through the double doors, two orderlies behind her. She looked as though she was in a daze. "Makoto's coming to visit tonight isn't she?" I smiled at Ami, trying to get her mind and body to relax. She nodded. "Well, is she bringing her super special homemade cookies?" Ami giggled and nodded again. "You make sure to save one for me alright?"

"She always brings extra for you Haruka. Ever since we became friends." She finally looked up and turned her head to look where my eyes were focused. "She must be new."

"She arrived a day after you. She bit Shiro." I laughed out loud. "Let me see if she'll sit with us, if that's alright?" She nodded. I took a deep breath before standing to approach the woman. "Hey there gorgeous." My charm was kicking in, as it always had with new patients.

"Who are you?" She frowned before looking me up and down.

"I'm Haruka." I grinned. "I saw what you did to doctor dickhead when you got here." She smiled a little. "Come sit with us." I tilted my head toward the table where Ami was seated, watching. She shook her head. "Well, the offer's there." I winked before returning to my seat. She was obviously older then I am, I wasn't kidding when I called her gorgeous. She appeared to be in her late thirties to early forties. The gray streaks mixed well with her fading aqua hair.

She followed, I knew she would. She sat down in the seat across from mine. "My name's Yumiko."

"I'm Ami." I smiled at my dear friend as she spoke shyly, never looking up from the food she was playing with.

"And I already introduced myself. So what was that little outburst for when you got here? I mean, it was quite amusing and everything, but being strapped to that bed isn't the best way to start out your stay."

"Why do you care?"

My eyes narrowed as I leaned against the table to get a little closer to her. "I'm what one would call a 'lifer'. I've seen more people come and go through those doors then most people meet in their lifetimes. Each and every one of them I try to get to know, I try to help them while they're trapped in this place. I just wish to offer my assistance to you."

"I don't even know why I'm here." She looked down at her tray of food.

"Most people that come in here don't comprehend why they're here until after their first visit with Shiro." I took a sip of my water before continuing. "Tell me what happened before you came here."

"I found my husband...well, now he's my ex husband, in bed with a younger woman. A woman about my daughter's age. About the same age as you." She looked at Ami. "Everything went black, when I came to, he was dead, my daughter had me tied to a chair while she was on the phone with the police."

I felt as though I could diagnose her before she even met with Shiro. I've learned much about the different types of psychosis during my residency. "It sounds like brief reactive psychosis to me." I ate a spoonful of my food before speaking again. Hopefully I could get rid of that confused, disgusted look on her face. "It's when psychotic symptoms arise suddenly, like in response to a major stress. In your case it would be the sight of your husband with the other woman. People that have come in with that have been here less than a month. But there's murder attached to yours, you're going to be here for a while." I wiped my mouth on my paper towel.

"Yumiko, your daughter's here to see you."

I looked up at the nurse who stood beside a spitting image of Yumiko. The woman was much younger then she was. She was the definition of beauty. It felt like my heart stopped as she approached our table and sat next to her mother. "Usually they don't allow visitors during the day." I was the first to speak to the new woman.

"I came to help mom finish up her paperwork."

My breath caught in my throat at the sound of her voice. If angels existed she would be one. "Haruka you're blushing." Thank you Ami. Thank you for pointing out the obvious.

"So what's your name?" I grinned and leaned closer to her.

"Michiru." She blushed slightly. It only made the enhanced her already rosy cheeks. "Mom, when you finish we need to go finish the paperwork."

"I don't want to be here, I don't know why I'm here." She shook her head.

"Well, you killed your husband in a blinded rage." I couldn't help being so blunt. But it was true. Yumiko was going to turn into a lifer, just like me. "I hate to admit it, but it's true, you're going to be here for quite some time. Though I hope it's not as long as I've been here."

"How long have you been here?" I turned to look at Michiru as she spoke. Why was she suddenly interested in me?

"I've been here since I was 7." Michiru's eyes went wide as she looked at me. She didn't ask anymore on the subject and simply stood up to leave. Most likely I scared her. Great. A beautiful, sane woman, and she wants nothing to do with me. Kana was right about something, again. Sane people don't spend much time with those who are crazy. Mom and Makoto must be the only exceptions. Michiru seemed like she wanted to finish the forms as quickly as possible before getting out of here. I let out a sigh before standing and returning to my room.


	5. Chapter 5

**_OK, it would appear as though the words are starting to flow again for this story. There won't be any updates this coming weekend, as I have to work 12 hour days both Saturday and Sunday between my two jobs. But I will attempt to finish chapter's 5 and 6 today so I can get an update in on Monday. Pray for me lol, I'll need it. _**

**_Be warned, this chapter is the beginning of the violent chapters...You've been warned lol

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Kana

Chapter 5

"Smuggling in cookies." I laughed and hugged Makoto when she walked into the room with a small tin in her hands.

"No, those aren't for you." She swatted my hand away when I reached for the tin. "These are for you." She pulled a small bundle from her pocket and handed them to me.

"A woman after my own heart." I winked, causing her to laugh. "Your wifey's waiting for you, she's been really depressed today. I tried my damndest to cheer her up." I really did, I spent most of the day talking to her and she refused to smile for more than a few seconds at a time. "Cheer her up for me would ya? Life around here is bad enough as it is without sulking around all day." I untied the bundle and picked up one of the four cookies to take a bite. "It's like heaven in baked form"

"I'll try my best. Akemi was walking in behind me." I returned her smile as she walked away to greet Ami. I couldn't help but to sigh when I saw them share a tender hug, followed by a soft, loving kiss. I am jealous of Ami and Makoto. Though I don't think I completely understand what love is, but if it's anything like I see between my friends then I know I want to feel it.

"Ah, the pinnacle of beauty has returned to see her mother." I popped the rest of the cookie into my mouth and smirked at Michiru as she walked through the door.

"And the charmer is still here I see." She smiled at me. It was nice to see her smile. It lit up her face.

"But of course, this is my home away from home." I picked up a cookie to offer it to her. "Ami's wife made them, they're to die for." I winked as she took it.

"Ami's gay?" She took a hesitant bite of the cookie.

"But of course, why? Do gay people bother you?"

"Considering she is one, I highly doubt it." Yumiko spoke from behind me.

"Oh really?" My face lit up. There was a glimmer of hope that formed in my mind. "Well, I'll let you two settle down to chat. Enjoy your visit Michiru." I walked away from them when I spotted mom walking through the double doors.

"How are you doing? Shiro told me what happened last week." She opened her arms for a hug, which I gratefully accepted.

"Yea, Kana came back and insulted me." I pulled myself up on one of the tables. "I couldn't hold back." I broke off a piece of the third cookie and ate it.

"He also said you won't be out of here in March." I shook my head. "You were doing so well Ruka."

"Haruka get off of the table! You know better than that."

I glared at the nurse. There's rules for everything. I even have nurses staring at me whenever I sneeze. It's ridiculous. "Yea, whatever." I hopped down and sat on a chair. "That's what Shiro said too. I was doing well. I guess the medicine stopped working or something, he came back about two or three weeks before he pissed me off."

"Why didn't you tell anybody then that he was back?" She rested her hand on top of mine and looked into my eyes.

"Do you still talk to dad?" I looked down. I wanted to change the subject. How could I admit to her, to anybody that I'm lonely?

She smiled. I think she knew how I really felt. "Every once in a while." She sighed. "He doesn't ask how you're doing anymore."

"I know, I figured that a while ago." I wrapped the last of Makoto's cookies up to save it for later.

"Another cookie binge huh?" I smiled at her. It was a forced smile. Each and every time I saw her it became more and more painful at the end of the visit to watch her leave.

"I knew there was a reason I loved Makoto." The wrapped cookie found its way into my pocket. "I'll eat it later." I looked over my shoulder to glance at Michiru. "How old would you guess her to be?"

"Who?" She turned to look and smirked. "You've got a crush on someone don't you?" I feel a heat rise to my cheeks when Michiru caught me. Our eyes met, she smiled softly before turning back to her mother to talk. "I'd say in her mid-twenties. She's not much younger then you. Are you sure she's gay? Remember the last person that you saw that you liked, she was straight with kids."

"Oh, I'm quite sure mom. Yumiko said so herself when I was talking to Michiru." I winked at Michiru when she looked up once again. "It would be nice to fall in love. I'm going to be 30 next week." I let my head come to rest on the table with a sigh.

"And I'm sure you will honey. You just have to work hard to get out of here first."

For the first time in years I felt tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't let my mother see me crying, I couldn't let anybody see me cry. I sniffled, it was loud enough for mom to hear me. My body tensed when her hand rested on my shoulder. "Kana won't stop torturing me. I don't see him during the day anymore, I see him at night, when I'm sleeping."

"You need to tell Shiro about that, I'm sure he can give you some kind of medicine to fight him off."

"Dammit mom!" My palms slammed on the table as I looked at her through watery eyes. "I'm tired of taking medicine. I need to beat him on my own." I stood up and left the visitation area to return to my room for the night. Before I was able to get through the doors my tears started falling. Tears that burned my eyes. I can't even remember the last time I cried.

* * *

"Haruka Tenou!" I looked up at the nurse's station when my name was called, I laid down my cards face down on the table and went over to get my medicine. "Here you go."

"What's this blue one?" I poked at the pills in my hand, dumbstruck by the presence of one I'd never taken before.

"It's to help you sleep. Your mother talked to Shiro about it." She handed me a cup of water and I took the medicine. I didn't need any assistance sleeping. Before I took a sip of the water I tucked the mysterious blue pill under my tongue and swallowed the other one. My mouth opened on instinct for her inspection, she nodded and moved on to the next name on the list.

"He gave you a new pill?" Ami spoke as I sat back at the table and picked up my cards.

"Yes, he did..." I glanced over my shoulder to see the nurse busy with another patient before taking it out of my mouth and shoving it in my pocket. "But I'm not taking it until I know exactly what it's for..." I smiled softly at her and drew another card from the pile. "Gin!" I laughed as I placed my cards on the table in triumph.

"I swear sometimes you cheat Haruka." She practically threw her cards at me while laughing.

"Just because I win every single time doesn't mean I cheat, it just means I'm good." I covered my mouth to yawn. "I think I'm going to turn in for the night. Good night beautiful."

I made my way to the door of my room. A deep sigh left my lungs before I walked in. I probably should have taken the pill to see if that would stop him from showing up in my dreams. I stripped down to my tank top and boxers before crawling under my blanket and closing my eyes. It didn't take long before I was asleep.

_"You want to fuck Michiru don't you?"_

_I shook my head, my eyes opening to see him standing in front of me, naked. "What the fuck are you doing?"_

_"What you want to do." He smirked. The scene around us changed to a house I had never seen before. It was small, much like the house I spent the first seven years of my life in. I turned to follow him as he walked upstairs. "Do you know where we're at?"_

_"No...I don't. Where are we at?" I continued looking around when we reached the top of the steps. He didn't stop walking though. He finally came to a stop outside of the last door in the hallway._

_"You'll find out." He grinned and stepped through the doorway._

_I quickly followed him, when my hand reached for the doorknob the scene changed again. It was a bedroom. There were paintings on the wall, each with the initials M.K. in the corner. They were quite beautiful. "Where are we at?" I turned to look over my shoulder. My eyes grew as I saw he had Michiru tied to her bed. Her hands were tied to the top two bedposts, her ankles to the bottom two, in such a way her legs were spread apart. She was naked. "Kana what are you doing?"_

_He only laughed before climbing on top of her and pushed his erect manhood into her with such force that Michiru screamed in agony. I tried to reach out to help her, to stop him from raping her. My feet suddenly became shackled to the floor. I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried. "It's what you want to do to her. You want to rape her, you want her all to yourself. Admit it."_

_"I just want to love her." Tears began streaming down my cheeks as I watched the beautiful woman lay helpless on her bed. "And I want her to love me. No woman..." He struck her. I tried to look away, but something was stopping my head from turning and my eyes from closing. "Kana stop it!"_

_"Only when you admit you want this. Admit to me that you want this power over another person. The same power I have over you. You can't get rid of me."_

_He groaned as he continued to fuck her, harder and harder. I stood there, powerless to look away. Powerless to stop him. "Please stop it."_

_"Oh you're such a big fucking baby Haruka." He pulled out of her after he finished and walked over toward me. "You've always been a baby." He mocked crying before spitting in my face. Again I was powerless, now I couldn't move my arms. I was completely at his mercy, just like he wanted. "You can't get rid of me. No matter what they give you in that little hospital you're in. You don't want me to leave, that's why I don't." He grinned. "Do you want me to show you how it's done?"_

_"How what's done?" I looked him right in the eyes. _

_"How to kill someone. Though you should already know how to do it. You've had practice." _

_I watched him as he took a step away from me, his clothing had reappeared on his body. He reached inside his pocket to pull out a switchblade. "Don't!" I tried pleading once more, but he ignored me, as he always did. Once again he climbed atop Michiru's sobbing form. I was forced to watch as he traced the blade around one of her breasts. She whimpered, her entire body freezing. "She doesn't deserve to die."_

_"Of course she does." _

_I felt vomit start making its way up my throat when he slit her neck. I watched her body struggle for air. The gurgling noises she made rang through my eardrums. The same gurgling noises Miyoko made that fateful day. Then her body fell limp.

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****__If you couldn't figure it out on your own, the last part that's in all italic is her dream. I warned you about the violence. Don't forget to review of course :D_


	6. Chapter 6

**_Just so everybody knows...this is giving an insight into my mind. Most of these events are things that I live with on a daily basis. I'm not perfect...not by a long shot. It's a constant battle each day and night...just...enjoy :)_**

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Kana

Chapter 6

I had been taking the new medicine Shiro had given me for a little over a month now. The first few nights, the dreams weren't as violent. Kana was still torturing Michiru to the point of her passing out. But he was no longer raping her or killing her. I felt as though I could sleep peacefully.

My thoughts of Kana had shifted over the last few nights. I was no longer the one unable to move while he tortured Michiru. It was the other way around. She was the one powerless to help as he raped me over and over again until I hurt too much to even cry.

My whole body felt numb as I walked out into the visitation room. I slumped down in a chair and rested my head on the table. Mom told me last week she wouldn't be able to make it tonight. I completely understood why. It was the twenty-three year anniversary of Miyoko's funeral. She never came during that week. Miyoko would have been 37 this year.

"Why so glum blondie?"

"Leave me alone." My ears didn't register who's voice it was. I had assumed it was just one of the nurses. I never really did pay attention to their names. They changed so frequently.

She sighed before I heard her pull the chair beside me out to sit on it. "Well, I'd really like it if you came over and had a cupcake with mom and I."

"A cupcake? Do I look like I really want a...oh..." I blushed when I looked up and saw Michiru starring into my eyes. "Hi Michiru." I forced a smile to my lips.

"Why so down?"

I only shook my head then stood up. "You said something about a cupcake?" She giggled softly. I loved that noise more than anything else. Even, dare I...even more then Makoto's cookies. I followed her over to the table where her mother sat. "What's the special occasion?"

"It's my birthday."

I watched her as she drug her finger through the white icing and held it up to my lips to taste. I just looked at it, then her. "Don't put your finger in the face of crazy people."

She smirked, not swayed by my words. "Why? Are you going to bite me?"

"Behave you two, jeez. You both act like a couple of high school kids when you're around each other. Haruka, take the cupcake. Michiru, act your age."

We both looked at each other before looking at Yumiko. "How old are you anyway?" I spoke before accepting the small chocolate cake.

"Old enough to know I don't have to answer you." She glared.

"She's 24." Yumiko chimed in.

"You're so young." I proceeded to lick the icing off. Michiru started to blush.

"Well, I wasn't going to tell you until you told me how long you've actually been here. And saying since you were seven isn't a good enough answer.

I smirked. "I've been here since I was seven." I inched away from her when she glared at me. "But...give me a chance to finish first...but, I just turned 30 in January." I burst into laughter when she spit her bite of cake out and it landed on the table.

"Why didn't you celebrate it?"

I should have known the question would arise. "Would you want to celebrate another birthday when you're trapped in this place?" She shook her head. "That's what I thought."

"Well, when you get out of here, I'll throw you a birthday party."

"I haven't had one since I turned seven." I looked away from her when my lower lip started to tremble. I don't remember the last time anybody was so nice to me. "I'm..." I pushed myself to a standing position. "I'm going to go lay down. Happy birthday Michiru." I walked away before she could stop me.

* * *

It was July now. The weather outside was absolutely gorgeous. Kana was only tormenting me once a week now. I sighed. It was that time of the week again, my therapy session with Shiro.

"Are you even listening to me Haruka?"

His words brought me from my daydream. "Honestly, not really..."

"I asked how the medicine was working for you." He made notes on his pad of paper.

"I still see him. But it's about once a week or so and only in dreams."

"Are they still violent toward Michiru?" I shook my head. "What about toward you?" Again I shook my head, I was lying though. His lips formed into a smile. "Do you think you're ready?"

"Ready for what?" I looked at him, confused.

"I'm going to be sending you home Saturday."

"You're what?" My eyes grew wide in shock. I felt my heart begin racing. Never before had I felt such an anxious feeling run through my body.

"I think you heard me. I know how long you've wanted to get out of here. You're sentence from the court was over in April. From April, you became my responsibility. It was up to me as to when I decided when you were ready." I couldn't find any words to speak. "So tell me Haruka, what's the difference between you and I?" I shook my head, I didn't know. "There is none. We both get to go home to our families now."

* * *

"Promise to keep in touch?" Ami spoke through tears as we shared a tight, loving hug.

"Of course. Do you really think I could just forget about those cookies that your wife makes?" She giggled. "I'll write to you. And I've got your home address and phone number."

"Mako said to give her a call if you ever need anything. Even just to talk. She also wants you to call when you get home."

I smiled and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "You'll be coming home soon. I know you will."

"Hey Haruka." I turned to look. It was Yumiko. "Promise to look after Michiru for me. She really likes you." I smiled and nodded.

"I will, I promise."

One of the nurses picked up my suitcases. It wasn't much, just a small and medium duffel bag. I didn't really have much that much that belonged to me.

"Good luck Haruka." She smiled at me after loading my bags into the trunk of the taxi. Mom had to work this morning, but paid for the ride home and made sure I had a copy of the house key.

For the first time since I met Kana I felt scared. I'm 30 years old. How much has changed while I was in there? I didn't recognize any of the scenery as the car made its way through town. New businesses had taken over once abandoned buildings. New buildings had sprung up where there were once fields.

A smile came to my face as I closed my eyes, allowing the July sun to warm my skin.

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**_Don't forget to review :)_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_I'm feeling a bit down today...I was feeling blah when I woke up, and then my mother gets home from the doctors to tell us she's got arthrosclerosis...in other words hardening of the arteries. For those that don't know what it is, let me put it bluntly, it's basically a death sentence. All I'm finding I'm able to do today is write. Even that's a stretch. So...yea...enjoy. Leave me a review, please :(

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Kana

Chapter 7

I frowned when the taxi came to a stop in front of the house my mother was living in now. There were two cars in the driveway. Why would she lie to me? It didn't look like she was working. "Thank you." I whispered to the driver before climbing out of the vehicle. Why on earth would she lie to me about working? I slung my bags over my shoulder and dug through my pocket to pull out the house key mom had given me. "Hello?" I yelled as I opened the door.

"Welcome home!"

I gasped noticeably as I took a step back through the doorway. Mom, Michiru, and Makoto were all there. There was also a man there that I didn't recognize. "What...what's going on?"

"Michiru wanted to throw you a party." My eyes focused on my mom as she spoke, there was a huge smile on her face as she took my bags from me. She did promise me a birthday party when I was released. "And I agreed."

"Thank you." I felt my lips curl into a smile. A real smile that I haven't had in a long time. I turned to look at the older man that entered the living room from the kitchen. "Who's that?"

"You don't recognize me?" I froze the minute I heard his voice.

"Why are you here? I thought you didn't want anything to do with me." I don't remember the last time my own voice sounded so cold.

"Akemi begged me to come. To see you, now that you're free."

"Leave." He only took another step toward me. "Are you deaf now? I said get out!" He stopped in his tracks and looked down at the carpet. "You didn't want anything to do with me for the last 23 years, what makes you think I want to spend any time with you now that I'm out of there. Did it ever dawn on you that maybe I needed my mother AND my father while I was hospitalized?"

"It was hard for me. You did kill your sister, how was I suppose to react to that?"

"I said get the fuck out!" I ran up the steps. I was unfamiliar with the house but I knew I'd be able to find a room that would become mine. I opened the first door I came to and went inside. It was a bare bedroom. Most likely to be mine. There was nothing on the walls. The bed was a full sized bed, it rested against the wall. On it was a navy blue comforter, mom always paid attention to my favorite color. I sat on the edge of the bed before laying back and closing my eyes. The last time I had seen Iwao was the day before Miyoko's death. I didn't even consider him my father anymore. To me he was a selfish man named Iwao.

"Haruka?"

I didn't open my eyes. I heard the door to the room open. "What?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" I finally opened my eyes. It was Michiru. I knew it was her the minute I heard her voice. I shook my head. I did want to talk about it. I really did. I just didn't know where to start. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" Again I shook my head. She smiled. A smile that caused a wave of relaxation to wash over me.

"That man was my father." I watched her as she sat down beside me. "I haven't seen him in over 23 years. He disowned me right after...that happened." I closed my eyes. "I wasn't expecting to see him here when I got home. I wasn't expecting to see any of you here."

I felt her lay down beside me. I also felt her eyes on me. "Well I told you I'd throw you a party when you got out." I turned to look at her and smiled. "Hey, is that a gray hair?" She giggled and reached out to pluck one of my hairs.

"Hey!" I grabbed her wrist, a little harder then I probably should have and rolled over on top of her to pin her down. "Don't be plucking my hairs." I shivered when I looked into her eyes. She looked scared. I quickly got off of her and took a few steps back. "I'm so sorry...I..." I didn't even know what to say to her.

I felt her hand on my cheek, she turned my head to look at her. "It's okay Ruka." I blushed at the use of my shortened name. It felt good. "I know you wouldn't have hurt me."

"Why do you trust me so much? Especially knowing what I did."

"You're an alluring person. You've got a lovely personality. Not to mention you're absolutely beautiful." I took another step back. I couldn't stop myself from looking around. "What's wrong?"

"Nobody's here to grab me away from you is there?" She giggled and shook her head. "I'm so used to someone grabbing me. They allowed a little bit of contact, but if it was prolonged the people were physically pulled apart."

"Nobody's here to grab you." She reassured before hugging me.

The hug felt good. I relaxed even more. I felt safe with her arms around me. "This is all so new to me." She looked up into my eyes. "Everything..." My words fell soft as I started to lean in closer to her. But I stopped and pulled back quickly when I realized what I was about to do. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She grabbed my cheek and pulled me down for a soft kiss.

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**_Sorry it's a fairly short chapter. I felt like the whole thing was forced. I apologize for any typos and shit. Well...yea review it for me, please? I'd like that._**


	8. Chapter 8

**_I apologize for the last chapter, the way it seemed rushed, the length of it. Hopefully I can make up for it with this chapter. As you can probably see, it's starting out with a dream. Thanks for all the wishes for my mother she's doing well, her numbers weren't as high as she was initially told. She's not as emotional as she was on Monday when she got the news._**

**_And you guys need to thank Heather, even though she's been distracting me lately...she's also been pushing hard for this chapter to be written. She even helped with the last half of the chapter, since I got stuck._**

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Kana

Chapter 8

_"You're falling in love with her aren't you?"_

_I looked at him as he spoke. "Yes. I am. We've spent nearly every day together since I got home in July."_

_"It's going to be Christmas soon isn't it?" He lifted a glass of wine to his lips to take a sip. "Have you gotten her anything?"_

_"Mom's helping me to pay for a weekend getaway for us." I smiled at him. It was nice to have a civilized conversation with him. We haven't had one in a long time._

_"Going to fuck her?" He smirked, causing me to frown._

_"We're not making any plans. If it happens, then it happens." I stood up and started walking out of the dining room, away from him, away from his torment._

_He stood and followed me though. I could hear his heavy footsteps on the tile floor. "You know that's all she wants out of you. She doesn't really love you." I stopped and looked over my shoulder at him. "You're not fighting me because you know damn well it's true Haruka. Nobody wants you. I mean look at how your father just abandoned you like he did. At a moment when you needed him the most."_

_"I have no father Kana. I haven't had a father for years, you of all people should know that."_

_He laughed. His laugh always sent a chill down my spine. "So touchy about him. Could it be the fact that he used to sneak into your room at night and touch you the way you like to be touched now by me." My body froze as he placed his hand against my breast._

_"He never did any of that to me!" His hand made its way down my stomach and into the hem of my pants. "Don't you dare."_

_"Dare what? Dare to remind you of what Iwao did to you all those years ago. Remind you of what you completely forgot about. You suppressed all of it from your memory. But I don't forget." He ripped my shirt off and threw it to the floor. I couldn't move my body._

_The room changed. We were now standing in my old bedroom, when I was a child. I was sleeping on my twin sized bed, snuggled up with my teddy bear. I have had that thing since I could crawl. I missed that bear. I wasn't allowed to take it with me when I went into the hospital._

_"What is he doing here?" I was unable to move. It was quite common in these dreams. I couldn't move, and I couldn't wake up. "He never did this to me! I would have remembered!"_

_"You don't want to remember." He stepped in front of me. "You're five years old now. May 4th. You're sound asleep, it's three AM. Daddy just got home from work." He laughed when I tried to look away. "You know you can't do that. I control these dreams. I always have Haruka, and I always will."_

* * *

_"Get off of me!" I tried to fight him, but to no avail. Soon I found hands tied together at the wrist above my head and my legs tied down, spread as far as they possibly could. "What are you doing to me?"_

_"You always ask the same fucking question. Yet I'm always doing the same fucking thing to you." He backhanded me. The stinging pain shot across my face. My eyes clenched shut. "Oh no, no, no. Don't even think you're looking away from me." He smirked. "Sadly, it won't be me this time." He blew a kiss to me before stepping aside and Michiru climbing on top of me. _

_Her eyes were empty, nearly lifeless. She wasn't in control of her own body. "Michiru stop. Please, I love you."_

"Haruka?"

_"Michiru, stop..."_ I felt someone shake me.

"Haruka, honey, wake up."

"No!" I nearly screamed as my body shot straight up. I couldn't help but to frantically look around for any signs of Kana.

"Ruka, it was just a dream." She rested her hand on top of my shoulder and sat up with me. "What happened?"

"Nothing..." I forced myself to climb out of bed and walk into her adjoining bathroom. Maybe it was a bad idea to sleep out of the comfort of my own home for the first time since I'd been home. I've only ever slept in two places before tonight, home, and the hospital. My hand smacked the light switch as I moved to the sink and turned the faucet on.

"Tell me what happened Haruka."

Why did she have to follow me? Couldn't she see that I just wanted a few moments to myself. "I don't remember." I lied. As I had done the several times mom had woken me from my nightmares.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are, that's why you won't look at me."

"Fine, you want to know what happened?" I splashed warm water on my face before speaking again, this time looking at her. "First he had me watch as my father beat the shit out of me and raped me until I passed out from the pain." Her eyes grew wide with each spoken word. "And THEN...He controlled you and you were in the process of raping me, then you woke me up." I walked by her before she could speak.

"Is that what you dream about?"

She grabbed my hand and forced me to turn around. "Yes, it is."

"How often?" It was almost like my heart melted as I looked at her. She looked scared, hurt, worried. It was such a strange mixture of emotions that I couldn't quite pin down which it was.

"Almost nightly."

"You need to go talk to Shi-"

"NO!" I jerked my hand away from her. "I'm not going back to that place!"

"But Haruka, you-"

"I said no Michiru." I walked out of her bedroom and out to the living room. I had no way to get home, it's well after midnight. Michiru was the only way I could get home. I curled up on the sofa and forced my eyes shut. Thankfully she got the hint and decided to leave me alone to sleep. "I'm sorry..." I whispered softly before sleep overtook me.

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**_In the coming chapters, the concepts of thought and reality are going to be pushed...I think in some disturbed way I'm testing my writing ability. But I do oh so hope you enjoy them, and that you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to review. :)_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Things are about to get even more twisted then they already have been. Hopefully the images in my mind don't end up being confusing in this and further chapters...Enjoy**_

_**Also, big thanks to Heather for looking this over to make sure it wasn't too terribly confusing.**_

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Kana

Chapter 9

"Yes I'm ready, are you ready?" I stood outside of her bedroom door waiting for her. She's been dressing and primping for over an hour now.

I jumped slightly when the door flung open. "I said I was almost done." She smiled up at me while putting in a pair of earrings. Each had some kind of a blue stone in them to match the blue sweater and black skirt she wore. "Do you know where Makoto and Ami's house is?" I nodded. "Alright, let's go."

_"Alright let's go." I followed her down the hallway and out of the house. "You think they're ready for us?" I nodded again before climbing into the passenger seat. "I really wish you would start driving and stop being such a baby."_

I shook my head and looked at her as she started the car. "What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything sweetheart." She frowned and rested her hand on mine. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yea, I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little tired is all." I lifted my hand to rub my forehead. Michiru would never say such a thing to me. Would she? "Does it bother you that I don't drive?"

She laughed softly. "Of course not, why would it?"

Again I shook my head. I knew she didn't care. "Just asking is all."

* * *

"Merry Christmas." It was nice to see Ami. It's the first time I've seen her since I left the hospital in July. I smiled at her before hugging her. "I missed you Haruka."

"I missed you too Ami. I told you you'd get back out." I moved passed her to give Makoto a hug. "Keeping her in line?"

"As always..." Her voice became soft as she led me away from the others. "Michiru called me a few days ago...She was scared." She rested her hand on my shoulder before looking at me. "What happened?"

I pushed her hand off of my shoulder. "I don't know why she would have been scared."

_"She said you attacked her." Her eyes were so harsh. "Why would you do that? You're just a coward who gets her kicks out of attacking weaker women. You pig."_

_I turned to look as Michiru stepped up beside me. "I begged her to stop. But in the end I kind of liked it and begged her to keep doing it." I stepped away from them when she lifted the front of her shirt and I saw blood soaked bandages covering her stomach._

"Haruka?" I blinked a few times. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?" My eyes focused on Michiru as she waved her hand in front of my face.

"Yea, I'm fine. I'm sure." I smiled and grasped her hand gently to kiss her palm. "I promise."

"Dinner's ready whenever you are." I turned my head to watch Ami walk past us, into the dining room.

"Let's go eat." Again I smiled. I had to reassure Michiru that everything was alright. I hate it more than anything in this world to make her worry. And yet, that's all I've been doing to her lately. She continued to look at me funny as we followed Makoto and Ami into the dining room. "I swear to you, I'm fine."

* * *

_"Why are you so worthless?" I looked up from my plate as Ami spoke. "At least I have a job, you've been out since July and what are you doing? Riding the couch."_

_I frowned and forced myself to look back down at my food. "She's got a point Haruka. What's it like being thirty years old and still have to rely on your mother? Not only does that put strain on Akemi, but it puts strain on Michiru too. Always having to drag you around everywhere because you're too lazy to get your license." I looked up again to see Makoto scoot her chair closer to Michiru. "She's much happier here. With people who can take care of her." The tone in her voice dropped to a sexy, alluring one as she wrapped her arm around Michiru and kissed her deeply. "We can take much better care of her then you can."_

_My body began to shake with the onset of tears. _"Haruka?" _I looked over at Michiru as she started laughing at me. They were all laughing at me. But her laugh hurt the most. "Why don't you just start walking home now baby?" She was so cold, so hateful. "Go running home to mommy."_

"Haruka?"_ Makoto reached out for a steak knife before standing and walking over toward me. "If you don't get the fuck out of my house in the next 5 seconds. You're going to become our next meal. I'll make sure to boil your carcass extra long and add plenty of spices." She grinned. I stood from my chair and started backing away from the table. "That's it. Hang your head and run like a scared little puppy."_

"She can't pull herself out of it!"

_"Get away from me!" I picked up my own steak knife and pointed it at Makoto as she came closer to me._

"Haruka put the knife down. Please!"

_"Now what are you going to do with that?" She grinned more when I found myself backed against the wall. "Maybe you should just help me chop you up into little pieces." She took her hand and rested it on mine. She guided the knife to my arm. I felt my body shaking. "I'm sure you'll taste amazing with a side of steamed rice."_

_I tried to fight her. It didn't work. Makoto was just as strong, if not stronger than me. I gasped aloud as the knife dug into my flesh. A warming sensation traveled up and down my arm as I looked down to see blood falling from the wound._

"Haruka please stop it!"

_"It feels so good doesn't it. The feeling of your skin being ripped apart." She guided my hand to pull the knife from my skin and move it to another spot. "Let's get a nice sliver out of your arm. I want to see what you taste like."_

_"Stop it!" I screamed in agony when the blade pierced my skin for a second time, slowing cutting its way to meet the depth of the first injury. "Please stop it."_

I gasped aloud when I felt a set of hands on my shoulders and the knife ripped from my hands. "Snap out of it Haruka!" It was Makoto. She wasn't trying to hurt me. My breathing was shallow as I felt myself start to sink to the floor. My heart was racing, and there was an unbearable pain in my arm. "We need to get her to the hospital."

"What..." I couldn't even finish my sentence as I saw the damage that was done to my arm. "What happened?" I didn't remember a thing. The last thing I remember was sitting at the table, and now, here I am, sitting on the floor against the wall beside one of their curio cabinets. "What are you doing?" I looked at Ami who gently picked up my arm to wrap it in an old towel.

"Just stay calm Haruka. We need to take you to the hospital." I looked up at Michiru and nodded. I trusted her.

* * *

I silently watched a nurse as she pushed needles into the skin surrounding the wound. It was some sort of local anesthesia. Soon I didn't feel the pain in my forearm anymore. "What's that for?"

She smiled up at me before setting the needle on her tray. "It's to numb the area so the doctor can stitch it up." She reached for an alcohol prep to clean my arm. "How did this happen?"

I shook my head. "I don't know." And it was true, I didn't know what happened. I don't remember a thing.

"She blacked out." I turned my head to see Michiru talking to a doctor. "She didn't respond to anything we were saying to her. It was all so fast. Makoto finally brought her out of it when she grabbed the knife from her hand. She wasn't fast enough to stop her from doing this."

"My recommendation for something of this nature is Brookview."

"No!" I pulled my arm away from the nurse and stood up to leave the room. "You cannot make me go back to that place!"

"All I'm saying Ms. Tenou is that is my recommendation. I know we can't force you to go there since you're over 18 you have to sign your own admittance paperwork. Please..." He gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "Sit back down so I can tend to your arm."

I couldn't help but to grumble as I abided by his request and sat back on the emergency room bed. My eyes though, never left Michiru. I'm sure if she had her way I'd be going back to Brookview. She looked worried. It's that same look she gives me quite often now. It's almost a painful worried. "Thank you Michiru." I whispered to her. Trying to give her some kind of relief. She smiled at me before moving away from the door to my side. I found myself leaning into her as she rested her hand on my shoulder. "I love you." I closed my eyes, smiling softly when I heard her gasp.

"I...I love you too."

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_**OK, so for those who didn't figure it out....the italic in this chapter was her "blacking out" Hope you enjoyed. :)**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_Author's Note: Alright, it's been a while since I updated this. I decided to give it another go. To tie up some loose ends, everything in the last chapter that was in italics was her blacking out. It will continue, just not as often now. Sometimes the blackouts just happen. The body works in mysterious ways, as does the mind.

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Kana

Chapter 10

It's been two days since I hacked the hell out of my arm. I had been staying in the bedroom, sleeping most of the time. The pain killers and antibiotics working together simply knock me out.

"Honey are you awake yet?"

I groaned and rolled over on the bed to look at her. I smiled. She was gorgeous. Even though she wore one of my old t-shirts and a pair of faded sweatpants. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail as well. "Yea, I'm up." My eyes fell closed again.

She giggled, it was like music to my ears. "Wake up silly, it's time to open presents." She climbed on top of my hips and looked down at me until I opened my eyes again. "How's your arm feeling?" My eyes followed her hand as it traced across my shoulder and down my arm to touch the bandages.

"It hurts a little. Not as much as before though. Just a dull throb." I took her hand and kissed the back of it. I pushed myself to sit up and kiss her deeply, my hands coming to rest on her lower back. She groaned softly into the kiss but was eager to return it. "Merry Christmas Michiru." I leaned down slightly, moving my lips to her neck.

She sighed happily before giggling and playfully pushing me away. "Haruka Tenou, you behave!" Before she could climb off of my hips I grabbed her arm to pull her back down on top of me. "What are you..." Her sentence turned into a gasp when I slid my hand under the front of her shirt to toy with one of her nipples.

"You shouldn't go braless around me." I captured her lips in a deep, passionate kiss. She finally melted and gave in. I knew she would.

"No!" She giggled and tried to swat my hand away, but I could tell she didn't want me to stop. "Presents first Ruka." The end of her statement turned into a moan when I squeezed her breast. "Okay, presents later."

"That's what I thought." I quickly pulled off her shirt before rolling her onto her back. My hips were still positioned between her thighs as I wrapped my lips around her left nipple, using my fingers to squeeze and tug on her right. The feeling of her fingers tugging my hair was amazing. I knew she wouldn't want me to stop, she never does. At first she always tells me to behave, but deep down inside she loves the fact that I can be very persuasive.

I moved my hand away from her breast and traced small, circular designs across her flat, bare stomach. The action caused her to giggle more. She was slightly ticklish on her stomach and sides. I often found myself using that to my advantage. I untied the string of her sweatpants to allow easier access to what I was after. She lifted her hips, offering me the ability to slide down her pants. That wasn't what I was after though. I craved the ability to touch her. I already knew what she looked like naked, I didn't need that reassurance. She whimpered loudly when I grazed my knuckle across her center. I couldn't help but to smirk at how aroused she was.

"No, no." I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head when she attempted to touch me. "For you." The sound of her whimper sent a chill down my spine. I was in the mood for pleasing, not to be pleased.

"But Ruka!" I watched as her eyes closed when I pushed two fingers deep inside of her. She was very welcoming to them.

"Just lay back, and enjoy." My lips landed on her neck, just below her ear. I sucked hard as I continued grinding my hand against her. With each thrust her hips lifted to meet my hand. She wanted it just as much as I wanted to give it to her.

When I felt her body start to tense, I moved my lips to hers to swallow her scream. She was so loud when she reached her peak. My hand slowed to a stop and I pulled it out from between her thighs and licked my fingers clean. "You're so mean to me." She spoke between heavy breaths. "But..." She wrapped her arms around my neck once I freed them. "I still love you very much."

I returned the kiss I was given and smiled down at her. "I love you too Michi. Now, what were you saying about presents earlier?"

"I just got the best present anybody could ask for from the woman I love." I reached over the edge of the bed to retrieve the shirt I had thrown there.

_"Why are you still fucking her and not torturing her?"_

I jumped back when I saw a pair of ragged old boots, as my eyes raised up I saw a pair of faded jeans and a heavy sweater. It was Kana. He had been watching. "Ruka, what's wrong?" I turned back to her when she spoke, by the time I turned back around he had vanished.

"It's nothing...I...I just need to take my medicine. I missed the last two doses because of sleeping." I shook my head as I stood up and walked into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and looked at myself in the mirror. It was true, I had missed my medication, but how could he come back after only two days? I don't get it. My hand trembled slightly as I opened up the cabinet to grab my pill bottle. I took one out, as the dosage required and popped it in my mouth. I had become accustomed to swallowing it without any water.

_"You'll never get rid of me!"_

When I closed the cabinet door I saw a reflection in the mirror. It was horrible. It looked like Michiru, but the skin was charred, her eyes were hollow, like they had been removed. Her hair, it was barely there. It looked as though patches had been torn from her scalp. She had on the same t-shirt and pants. Only they were ripped and stained with blood. I forced my eyes closed for a few seconds. When I opened them, she was gone. It was Christmas Day, I was going to do anything in my power to make it a good day for Michiru and I.


	11. Chapter 11

**_It's been a VERY long time since I updated this. Heather yelled at me last night for it, so I decided to surprise her with an update. I also needed to make up for something I did… I hope I haven't lost too many fans due to the delay.

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Kana

Chapter 11

I relaxed against the edge of the sofa to watch Michiru open each of her presents. We were both sitting on the floor. Made me feel like I was a kid all over again.

_"Look at you. Why don't you just admit you're whipped? You're nothing but a big pussy whipped, spineless baby."_

I tried to ignore him. I didn't even look over to acknowledge his existence.

_"You know as well as I do that ignoring me doesn't work you little freak."_

"Ruka, honey what's wrong?" I jumped when her hand touched my cheek. I only shook my head. "You did take your medicine, didn't you?"

I frowned before putting my hand on hers to pull it away from my face. "Yes, I did. I guess I'm still not feeling very well." I looked off, over her shoulder to watch Kana moving slowly. Perhaps the medicine was going to kick in and he would disappear.

"He can't hurt us Haruka. He may look like he's going to, but he can't do it." She positioned herself to sit on my lap, I forced myself to look away from her and him. "Why won't you look at me?"

He's right behind you! That's what I wanted to scream at her, I couldn't. I can't get mad at her. "I just can't."

_"Look at her!"_

I slammed my eyes shut and lifted my hands to cover my ears. "Haruka, calm down honey, please." She placed both her hands on my face and turned it toward her. "Please look at me."

Slowly I opened my eyes to meet hers. I wish I hadn't looked at her. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kana with a knife in his hand. He started to raise it. Probably to plunge it into her back. I didn't hesitate in shoving Michiru away from me. My eyes locked on the man who only stood there and laughed at me.

_"That's a good girl, show her who's in charge."_

I shook my head, trying to shake him from my thoughts. That's when I heard Michiru groan. She was hurt. I looked down at her as she held her shoulder. When I shoved her she hit the coffee table. Her shoulder was bleeding. "Oh god…" I stood up and ran into the kitchen to grab an old towel. When I returned to the living room, she was sitting up, still gripping her shoulder tightly. "I'm so sorry."

She flinched away when I tried to touch her. I frowned and took a step back. I had brought this on myself. "He can't hurt me Haruka…" She pressed the towel to her skin. "…but you can."

She was right. I bit my lower lip and sulked out of the room to a place I knew I could be alone, the garage. Today was suppose to be a picture perfect day. It was my first Christmas outside of that hell-house in years. But he came and ruined it. As I sat on the concrete floor I looked down at my arm. "He can't hurt us…But I can" I spoke those words over and over again, louder and louder. Until I finally broke down in tears, screamed, and slammed my fist into the floor so many times the knuckles cracked open and blood began pouring from the newly created wounds.

I sat there for what seemed like hours. The blood on my hand had dried, some of it was flaking off. There was blood staining the floor from where my skin had ripped open. I knew it wouldn't come out of the concrete completely. It would stay there and remain a horrible reminder of my own stupidity.

"Haruka…?"

I only hugged my knees tighter to my chest when I heard her voice echo in the small room. Why was she coming out to talk to me after what I did to her? I deserve to be locked back in that place for the rest of my screwed up life. I don't deserve to be out here with the regular people. I'm dangerous. And I'm finally starting to realize that.

"Honey…come back inside it's cold out here."

Honey? She's still calling me honey after I hurt her? I looked up at her. I could tell she noticed my swollen hand, but chose not to say anything about it. My eyes still burned from the hour plus of crying I had just done. Her eyes were just as red as mine. "Why?"

"Why what?" She smiled softly. "Why is it cold out here?" She knelt down beside me. "Ruka, it's cold out here because it's December." She rested her hand on my shoulder.

"No…Why are you still calling me honey?"

She sighed. "Haruka, you're sick. I know that." She looked up toward the ceiling, obviously to search for the right words to say. "I called your doctor. You've got an appointment with him on Monday. He's probably going to change your medication." I looked away from her again. "We just have to make it through until then."

"I should probably go someplace else for the next three days. So I don't hurt you again."

"You won't hurt me." Her voice sounded sincere. "Judging by what you did to yourself out here, I don't think you'd let yourself hurt me ever again.."

"You've told me that before Michiru. You always doubted the fact that I could hurt you, and look what happened."

She sighed before standing up. She didn't know what to say now. She only shook her head and walked inside. "Should I bring your pillow and blanket out here then?" When I didn't respond to her she slammed the door to the house.

A few minutes passed. It felt like an eternity though. I decided to go inside. I was starting to get a little bit cold from sitting on the concrete for so long. I remained quiet as I rinsed my hand under warm water in the kitchen sink. A hiss of pain left my mouth when I applied soap to clean the wounds. I grabbed a towel out of the drawer and wrapped my hand. That's when I noticed a piece of paper sitting on the counter near the sink. My name was written on the front of it. It was Michiru's handwriting.

_Dearest Haruka,_

_I know that nothing either of us say to the other will change what happened today. I know today was suppose to be a good day for you. I still want it to be. There's still time. The day's far from over. _

_I need to reassure you, no matter what happens, I love you. I've fallen so much in love with you that it scares me. I've never fallen this hard for somebody before. I love you, for you. Flaws and all. As I told you, you're sick, and I understand that. But you don't have to go through this alone anymore. You'll never have to go through it alone again Haruka. Just as long as you let me in. If you let me in, then I can help you. You have to trust me. _

_When you see him, tell me. Tell me what he's doing. I'll try my hardest to distract you from him. I'll try to get your focus on me. I know that will be hard. All that I'm asking you will be hard. The first step to making it all happen is to trust me. I will not judge you for the things that you see, or hear, or experience. I never have, and I don't see why I would start now._

_Love forever,_

_Michiru_


	12. Chapter 12

**_I want to start out by giving a bit of comfort to an anonymous reviewer named katiexdcr. She left a review to the oneshot I posted entitled Incurable Heartbreak. I don't know if she'll read this or not. I want to let you know that you're not alone. My girlfriend Heather lives in a small town in Arkansas, she's in a similar situation. She can't tell her family, and only two of her friends know. So, if you're reading this, and need to talk, feel free to get my e-mail from my profile._**

**_Oh yea, gotta boast about my gf's first story. Go read it. Her username is Soniclove, you can find her under my favorite author's list._**

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Kana

Chapter 12

_"Why don't you go to bed Haruka?"_

_I looked up at him and yawned. I had spent my entire day in the garage tinkering with Michiru's car. She had been complaining about a vibration in the front end. It took me all day long, but I finally found the problem. I'll have to wait until tomorrow to fix it though. _

_"Michiru's waiting for you upstairs." He smirked as he led the way into the house._

_"How do you know that?"_

_"I just do. Trust me."_

_"And why would I do that?" I stopped in the kitchen to wash the oil and grease off my hands before following him up the stairs. I frowned once I reached the top. There was a strange noise coming from our bedroom. The same strange noise that I would hear Michiru make during sex. Maybe she was alone. Hopefully she was alone._

_She wasn't alone. All the emotion I felt possible was lost in that moment. Another woman had her head buried between my Michiru's thighs. Touching and tasting her most intimate parts. Parts that are mine. "What the fuck is this!?"_

_I've never seen anybody move so fast. Michiru scrambled to cover herself with the comforter. The other woman, she stood in the corner of the room, holding up her hand in an attempt to keep me at bay. "Ruka stop it!"_

_"You shut up." I threw at Michiru before slamming the strange woman against the wall. She was nearly my height, her hair was a few shades darker then my own. I looked her deep in the eyes. They were an icy blue color. There was a look of fear in them. A fear I fed off of. "What do you think you're doing huh?" She muttered something incoherent. "I asked you a fucking question!"_

_"I was lonely Ruka."_

_"So you go fucking around behind my back?" I grabbed the woman by the back of the neck and drug her to the bed._

_"It's not like that Ruka!"_

_"Why are you trying to defend this Michiru? Why are you trying to defend fucking some whore in OUR bed." My grip around her neck tightened. She started squirming; reaching around to grab for my hand. Good, she was in pain. I lifted my other hand to cover the front of her throat and interlocked my fingers._

_"Haruka, she can't breathe." I ignored her. "Stop it!"_

_I smacked her hand away as she tried to pry me away from her mistress. "Why should I stop it? You brought this on yourself Michiru. You never should have brought her here knowing I was just downstairs. What did you think would happen."_

_In my hands, her thrashing and gasping for air began to slow. My blood was boiling, my whole body was on fire. "Kill her Haruka." I looked off to my right to see him standing there. A snarl came to my lips as my knuckles became white from my grip. My hands started hurting. I couldn't stop though. If I stopped, she'd live. She had to suffer for what she's done._

"Haruka wake up."

_"What are you doing?" She backed away from me as I pushed the woman's lifeless body onto the floor and climbed onto the bed toward her._

_"Why do you suddenly care what I'm doing? You haven't asked me all fucking day what I've been doing."_

_"Honey I love you."_

_"Bull fucking shit!" I didn't hesitate to strike her across the mouth. "Stop lying to me. How long has this been going on? How long has that little whore been sneaking over here when I've been in the garage?" I hit her again. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now. "How long!" I screamed down at her. My face was only an inch or two away from hers._

"Haruka you're hurting me." My eyes shot open, she pulled me from my slumber. My hands were tightly around her neck. I pushed myself away from her. She coughed and rubbed the spots my fingers were pressing into her skin. "What were you dreaming about?" She took a few deep breaths.

I couldn't find words to speak. I sulked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. My hands shook as I took two pills from my medicine bottle as opposed to my usual one. It just wasn't working anymore. I needed more to sleep, to survive. I swallowed the pills dry and turned the water on warm to splash some on my face. I hurt Michiru. I hurt her again. What if the next time it happens, she can't pull me out of it. I could really hurt her. I can't hurt her. I won't let myself hurt her.

"Are you alright?" Just go away Michiru. I brought my eyes up to look at the mirror at my reflection. It was the reflection of a sad, pathetic human being. I always thought I was better than that. Better than abusing the woman I love. Better then listening to him as he tries to control me. He's been pushing so hard. I can't get away from him, day or night, awake or asleep. He's always there.

I left the bathroom and walked down the steps to the sofa. It was safer there. There was no risk of Michiru getting hurt. I love her too much to see her hurt.

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**_Don't forget to review! :)_**


	13. Chapter 13

**_Been WAY too long since I worked on this. As I said in my profile, I was taking a break from Sailor Moon stories, they just weren't fun anymore. But…after MUCH begging and pleading...from Soniclove...plus a few threats on my life, I'm pushing out another chapter of this._**

**_Since it's been so long…I'm just going to skip some time from the last chapter to this chapter. Hope that's alright with everybody. And hopefully I'll be able to stay true to the cryptic nature of this story._**

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Kana

Chapter 13

_-Five Years Later-_

Last car of the day. I reached down to pick up the hose that was hooked to the wall. My hand turned the nozzle and fresh water sprayed the soap suds off of the car. Life's been peaceful. To say the least anyway. Michiru's been traveling the world, occasionally I'm able to go with her. She doesn't mind it whenever I tag along. I love seeing her art displayed in various renowned galleries all around the world.

Mom passed away last winter, a heart attack claimed her life. Michiru and I attended the funeral, my father was there. I paid him no mind though. We were there for mom, not for him, not to make amends. Sadly, Mari finally succeeded in ripping Ami's life from her. Makoto found her hanging from the rafters in their attic last month. There was a note from Ami pinned to her own shirt. I can still see the words written on that page in my head.

_Dearest Makoto,_

_Nothing they do helps me. Nothing anybody does helps me. I'm sorry. I can't handle this anymore._

_Love,_

_Ami_

Makoto's still in pieces over it. But she still agreed to take me to Miyoko's grave for the anniversary of her death which was tomorrow. Twenty-seven years ago tomorrow, I pulled the trigger of that gun. Twenty-seven years ago I stripped my sister of her young life. I still have to live with that every single day of my life. With Ami's death last month, that's what made me finally decide to go and pay my last respects to Miyoko.

I turned off the hose once all of the soap was washed off and turned to my supervisor. "It's done." It was all I said, it was all I ever said to anybody. I would gladly move the car myself, but I was denied a driver's license when I applied. Reason for denial: Lack of mental stability. I don't blame them though. Why would someone give a person control of a motor vehicle who committed murder due to delusions? I know I wouldn't

"Oh my god, it speaks!" I glanced up at a group of three mechanics that stood near the window. I couldn't tell which one spoke. I glared at them. "Oh, watch out it's getting pissed."

"Leave her alone!" My eyes turned to focus on Yoshi, the shop manager, and the only person I ever talked to. He's also the only one who knows my past. I smiled softly at him before looking down to coil up the hose below the faucet.

"Why?"

My teeth clenched. Any normal person could only handle so much before finally snapping. I was to that breaking point. "I'm done for the day, right?" My words were directed right at Yoshi. He nodded to me. I knew Michiru would already be waiting for me outside. She was never late to pick me up from work.

"Time to run home to your little girlfriend." He waited until I was near the group to speak. Sadly I had to go near them to reach the time clock.

_"Punch him."_

I froze. My entire body locking up like I had lost all control of it. My breath became shallow. It couldn't be him. He hasn't spoken to me in the past three years. Why him? Why now? I shook my head and glanced at the men as they continued laughing.

_"Do it! You know he deserves it."_

He was right. He did deserve it. In the blink of an eye my fist connected with his nose. I felt it give under the impact. Oh how it felt good to see him writhe and scream in pain. "You little whore!"

Before he could retaliate Yoshi spoke. "You deserved it Kenta. Haruka go home. I'll see you in the morning."

I glanced at Kenta one last time before leaving the garage. It felt so good to finally get that out of my system. To see him in pain was a whole new sensation. A sensation I loved. It was one I wanted to feel again. A feeling of empowerment.

_"Felt good didn't it?"_

I still refused to acknowledge him. I couldn't admit that under such stress, he came back.

"How was work?"

I leaned over to kiss her gently as I got into her car. The most important woman in my life. The woman that became my wife a year ago. The woman that became more and more beautiful every time I saw her. "It was…interesting." I smirked at her. She only frowned. But before she could ask another question I spoke again. "I finally snapped." I looked down to see my knuckles swelling some.

"Oh god. What did you do?" She took my hand to examine it. "You didn't kill him did you?"

"Michi, do you really think I could kill a person?"

_"You did before. Once a murderer always a murderer."_

"That was a long time ago." My words were soft in response to him.

Michiru tilted her head to look at my closer. "What did you say Ruka?"

I looked at her. "I didn't say anything." She must have heard me. "How about we order out tonight?" Maybe if I changed the subject, she'd forget about it.

"I was thinking pizza." She backed the car out of the parking space and started the short drive to our home. We were more than half way home before she spoke again. "Are you hearing him again?"

My head snapped to look at her. I couldn't help but remember that promise I made to her all those years ago. I couldn't lie. She would just want me to tell the truth. "Yes…I am." I turned away from her quickly. My eyes focusing on the scenery as it quickly passed by.

"How long."

"It just started today."

"Ruka…"

"I'm not lying. He pushed me to punch Kanta."

"Is that why you punched him?" She pulled the car into our driveway.

"I punched him because he deserved it. You don't hear the things he says to me at work Michi."

She sighed. "That's still no reason to punch anybody Ruka. Let's get you inside and get ice on that hand."

My eyes lowered to the floor as I followed her into the house. Instead of going into the kitchen where she went, I made my way up the steps to get my medicine. It had been working so well. I just needed to relax. That's all. I pulled a pill out of the bottle and turned to go back downstairs to get a drink.

_"I told you, you could never get rid of me!"_

"Get away from me!" I backed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I quickly shoved the pill into my mouth and swallowed it. There he was. He had finally come to form in front of me. He aged right along with me. He needed to shave though. "Why?"

_"Why what? Didn't you miss me?"_

"Fuck you!" My eyes slammed shut. If I ignored him, he'd go away. I can't see him when my eyes are shut.

_"Is that any way to talk to old friends?"_ I still ignored him. _"You think, just because your life has been so wonderful for the past few years that I just vanished! You're even dumber than I thought you were. I still see Michiru's around. Fucking her nightly now aren't you?"_ I buried my head deeper in my hands. _"She will die Haruka. And she will die by your hand!"

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**Again, sorry for such the delay. I'm not sure when I'll be able to kick out the next chapter of this. **

**Review?**


	14. Chapter 14

**_I haven't had much motivation lately for this story but I figured I'd surprise my wonderful girlfriend Heather with an update. As well as surprise everybody else too. I can't guarantee it'll be the best simply because I haven't written in so long. But I will definitely try. Hopefully I won't disappoint._**

**_I'm going to be wrapping this story up soon. I don't really remember where I originally wanted it to go. But I can tell everybody, there will be TWO endings. Both endings will be posted as separate chapters, and will be posted on the same day._**

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Kana  
Chapter 14

I can't believe he's back. I was doing so well without him. Why? Why him? Why now? I don't understand it. Michiru knows he's back. But she doesn't know how bad it's been. She just knows about the garage incident. I haven't been able to find the words to tell her how often he's been around.

_"Dreaming about your little master again?" _

There he was. Just as he always was. Standing there, mocking me. "Why do you care?" Thankfully Michiru was out of town. I think she was somewhere in London. She traveled so much that I always lost track. One week she was in Europe. Another week she'd be in the United States. She spent more time on a plane then she did at home.

_"I worry about how she treats you Haruka. She leaves you here all by yourself and doesn't seem to ever care. Have you ever wondered what she does in her hotel room? Think about it, she's all alone, her girlfriend is hours away, don't you ever think she gets lonely. I wonder how many people she's fucked while away from you. Don't you ever wonder that?" _

Of course I always feared that. I wasn't going to tell him that though, he'd just feed off of it. He would focus on that fear. He would exploit it. He would drive further and further down until I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, I could barely stand him now. "I trust her Kana." Not exactly the tone I wanted to let out. Maybe he wouldn't notice my slip-up.

_"You forget my dear… I live inside of your mind. I know exactly what you think when you think it. You do fear her leaving you don't you?" He laughed. "You're a coward Haruka and you know it."_

"I do trust her, that's not a lie. You should know that you dick." I glared at him before turning to walk away. I didn't have the patience to deal with him tonight. It was hard enough to say bye to Michiru earlier. I wish I could have gone with her. I sighed as I remembered a time when I could travel with her. But now that I had a job I couldn't anymore.

I didn't make it far through. He was right on my heels. Just like he always had been in the past. Whenever he did show up, he wouldn't leave me alone until he got what he wanted. _"So you think I always want something? I'm not a mooch. I give you things too and you know it."_

What has he ever given to me? I stopped for a moment to think about it. I couldn't think of a single thing… Well… nothing positive anyway. Because of him, I no longer had a sister. Because of him, I spent more than half my life in a psychiatric hospital. Though… if I wasn't in there I may have never met Michiru. On the other hand. If we were destined to be then we would have eventually met anyway. "What exactly have you given to me?" I suddenly feared his response.

_"What about all of those times you were alone when you were growing up? You didn't exactly have a lot of friends as a child and you know it. Nobody talked to you because you were a freak… what am I saying? You still are a freak."_

"Fuck you Kana." I finally turned back to face him. Big mistake. He was closer than I thought he would have been. A gasp escaped my lips and I stumbled backwards some. He laughed loudly at me.

_"So you do want to fuck me? I always knew you did. You're a little slut just like your girlfriend. You want to spread those long sexy legs for me." _

I lifted my hand to strike him. He moved. He was the coward for never holding still to take the blow. "I never wanted that nor will I ever want that you pig."

_"My, my, someone's touchy today. Is it that time of the month ? Trust me Haruka I don't fuck lesbians. I'd rather just watch you do it. Don't think I haven't seen how close you and Makoto have gotten. Why do you think Ami killed herself?" _

I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't want to hear him talk about one of the best friends I'd ever had. "Don't even go there Kana."

_"Why not? Don't want to think that it's true? I'm sure that's the real reason. She couldn't stand the thought of her wife leaving her for another equally crazy woman."_ He burst into an evil laughter. I tried covering my ears to no avail. His voice continued echoing inside my head. _"She was smart. She knew if she died that would open the door for true romance to occur. Tell me… Why haven't you talked to Makoto lately? Have you been afraid you won't be able to control yourself? Afraid you might lose control and rape her? Or are you afraid you might actually like it?" _He paused. I didn't answer, anything I would answer with I know he'd just turn around to use for his advantage. _"Answer me!'' _

I jumped. I wasn't ready for him to suddenly yell at me. "Why do you care so much? You never used to care about anything I ever did before. Why start caring now? You're nothing but a self-righteous bastard and you know it!"

It was at that moment that Michiru's words replayed in my head. He court hurt us… But I can. _"Oh, you're really going to listen to what some little where has to tell you? When did she say that? Wasn't it five years ago? Remember how you slammed her into the table? Didn't that feel nice? To have that power… that control?"_

Right now I liked listening to her words. Her words were giving me some closure. I knew she was sane enough to tell the difference between what was real and what wasn't. She could never see Kana… so therefore, he wasn't real. I just had to learn not to listen to him. With a deep, reassuring breath I turned on my heel and calmly walked away.

_"You think you can ignore me. You've tried it before Haruka. You can't hold out long."_ With another maniacal laugh, he vanished.


End file.
